Sorry is just too simple a word

Some people shouldn’t ride. Or drive. Or do anything of that sort.

Today, the true meaning of that phrase finally hit home. And it’s never pleasant when you finally realise you’re one of the people it’s referring to.

Today, I just screwed up majorly.
I was riding in an extremely dangerous manner.
I did not get into an accident. I don’t know how I did that.
I pissed off a whole lot of drivers and riders. I’d like to apologise, but somehow I feel that sorry is too simple a word. Maybe my English isn’t good enough, but I can’t find a word that can express the feelings in my heart right now.
Trust me, I feel absolutely terrible for what I did today.

Somehow, narrowly escaping death or injury isn’t really the worst of my concerns. The one that gets me hard in the gut is the feeling that I’ve failed to be a competent and socially responsible rider, that I’m not worthy of the license that I’m holding.

A few days after my 18th birthday, I enrolled for a motorcycle riding course.
It was not easy, I faced my fair share of frustrations and somehow I found it difficult to do all those things that seemed to come to everyone else naturally.
I told myself to hang in there and practice.
I was there doing Circuit Revision almost daily, until all the instructors knew me, and one of them would even say “Hi” to me everyday when he spotted me around the circuit.
I had a bad time during normal practicals, but somehow when it got to assessments, something would happen and I would manage to pass.

At last, my Traffic Police test (the test we have to pass to obtain our license) came.
I could probably pass my circuit part through sheer hard work and practice but it was the road part that gave me a lot of problems cause I found that I was unable to process feedback “on-demand” at a speed that was fast enough.
At last, I devised a strategy which was to do a careful analysis of the entire road route, pick out the problem points and kind of work out the areas where it would be less probable that a car would be behind me when I had to attempt a lane change.
On the test day, I was more or less running on autopilot. Reach this certain point, attempt lane change.
Like a not-too-intelligent computer with a “hopefully” good enough algorithm.

My strategy worked.
I passed my motorcycle riding test at the age of 18 (minimum age) on my first attempt. Somehow, I left the driving school with a license and a total lack of understanding of how to change lanes safely.

I was glad to get my license, but I did have a sneaking suspicion that I wasn’t really qualified to be let out loose on the road.
Ah well, I thought, all this will sort itself out next time.
Anyway, most people say if you’ve got your license, you should have the required ability right? Maybe my fears are unfounded after all? Especially cause whether you’re pretty or not doesn’t really influence your grades cause there are multiple testers and they don’t see you up close (not that I’m pretty or what but hey, you never know).

Many people think being lucky is a good thing. Luck does you in sometimes, by making you too lucky. You get everything too easily, without real ability.
When you finally need to call on your real ability, it won’t be there for you.
At least you’ll probably end up unscathed after your horrendous mistakes.

Around 1 year later, some time after my 19th birthday, I bought my own motorcycle, with the support of my mother.
I was aware of the limits of my own ability, so I did all I could to educate myself on the safety aspects of riding a motorcycle.
I read tutorials and browsed motorcycle forums everyday and tried to observe people driving every chance that I could, so that hopefully I could pick up on whatever I had failed to learn.

Around 1 month later, I realised that it hadn’t made any difference.
Around 1 month later, I realised that I was not the kind of person that should drive or ride.

I’m not making this statement just because of a one-off incident.
I don’t know why, but I can’t judge distance in mirrors properly.
I have had unusually slow reflexes for someone of my age ever since I can remember (yes, I am a klutz at sports too).
I panic very easily and can’t make decisions quickly. When forced to make quick decisions, the results are really terrible.
It’s like my mind is running at a quarter of the speed of everyone else’s.

I’m in a rather confused state right now, I love riding and I love my bike, but I know that if I continue, it’ll just be a matter of time before I end up dead or hitting someone else, and I’ll definitely be inconveniencing a lot of people while I’m at it.
I love to sit beside someone else who’s driving and think of what decisions I should make if placed in a similar situation (frequently I make the correct decision), but somehow I find it close to impossible to reproduce these decisions on demand when I’m actually driving.
And then I end up pissing off everyone else on the road.
I wish I could ride well on my own ability but it seems that no matter how I try to cheat my limitations, they’re always back to haunt me again and again.

Apologies to all those female riders whose good name I just ruined (I can’t help being female after all, I wish I was some undesirable alien with only one of my kind left on Earth so that I wouldn’t need to ruin anyone’s good name except my own). Don’t worry, I’m probably not going to be one of you for a really really long time.

Speak of the devil…

I logged in to my blog and found this.

LOL.

Attack of the “Blur”

(I wrote a beautiful post at work, but unfortunately I forgot to bring it home, so you’ll have to make do with this one)

I’m a normal human being capable of rational thought but every time I get on my motorbike I get a severe attack of the “blur”.
By that, I mean having a delayed reaction, somehow managing to miss out on the most obvious visual cues, and a complete inability to make good decisions, not to mention a total lack of directional sense (this one I already have normally, not just when driving).

In one trip alone, I managed to
(i) right turn on a flashing green arrow (which soon turned red the moment I started turning) into the wrong lane
(ii) miss a turn and end up parking at a faraway carpark
(iii) attempt to change lane, suddenly realise that that lane is blocked and swerve back into my own lane
(iv) forget to keep left at a carpark, be unable to to exit the carpark because two cars were in the way, and as a result had to ride to the next exit.
(v) wobble at slow speeds and have to put both feet down (not really my fault cause my biting point is very far and I can’t adjust it cause my IU (in-vehicle unit, something we buy(!) and install so that the government can take money from us) is in the way.

On the good side, I’ve been rather lucky so far and have managed to remain alive and accident-free despite making the most atrocious mistakes. 🙂

I went down to cover my motorbike up for the night, and my sis came along cause she wanted to try kick-starting it. Well, she kicked and kicked and it wouldn’t start (maybe cause the engine was cold). So she started kicking harder and harder and I was about to tell her that kicking the bike harder and harder wasn’t going to make it start better and if it didn’t start after that many kicks she should try something else (choke, cause my bike always likes a little bit of choke when starting). Before I could do that though, she’d “kicked” my bike right over :S

Before that, I’d never even dropped the bike once.

When the bike fell over, everyone (sis, dad) ran over and started pulling at it, and I had to go “back off!” and put the sidestand down before allowing my sis to pick the bike up (she’s supposed to know, they teach it in the driving school).

No damage was detected (except petrol loss) but it was dark and I didn’t try the bike afterwards so I might have missed something.
My rear probation plate was hanging by a thread of plastic and when we wiggled it, it dropped right off. Not sure if this was caused by the drop though.
Ah, well

Sun, sand, sea and the SATan

Today I woke up and I had a red spot on my nose.
Despite having a red spot on my nose, despite not being a beach person and despite only riding my motorbike once this weekend, I went to Siloso beach with my friends G.E.M.S.
I didn’t being my motorbike cause my parents objected, they said it was too dangerous for me to ride there at my current skill level.
Turns out that traffic along the route was rather light, nothing I couldn’t handle.
However, it was drizzling and I don’t have any rain gear so I’d probably get pretty wet, I’d probably get lost cause I didn’t know the way there, and my friend brought wine so if I rode the bike there I wouldn’t be able to drink. ;p

My friend drank the wine and she was like “Bleaugh”.
My other friend drank the wine and was also like “Bleaugh”.
I drank the wine and said, “Not that bad what, but come to think of it, it does taste pretty much like vinegar”.
I mean, usually drinks with alcohol will have a kind of bitter taste to it. This one was totally sour.
Then my friend revealed that she had taken it from her aunt’s house and goodness knows how long her aunt had kept that thing.
So she drank the whole bottle and then proceeded to get drunk and couldn’t stop giggling.

Couldn’t help thinking that the beach seemed very claustrophobic and what we saw of the attractions looked very outdated and sad. Sentosa really cannot make it.
Well, guess we have to wait and see what happens when the casino comes up.

There were two girls on the picnic mat behind us and they fell asleep.
Then along came a group of around 5 guys with cameras and they came right up to the sleeping girls and started taking photos of them.
One of them pointed his camera at one of my friends but I drew her attention to it. I don’t know if he succeeded in taking that photo though.
Girls, be careful when you sleep at the beach, because sometimes groups of pervert guys will go around taking pictures of you.

I had great fun with my camera, sitting around and being a camera pervert (but only taking photos of my friends la)
Unfortunately, now the lens has been scratched in yet another place.
Doesn’t seem to affect the photo taking and auto focusing though.

Anyway,
Faluine, thanks for the furry belt!

Ride report for Saturday

Went for my first morning ride today, and it felt just like the old days at SSDC when I went for road lesson 6, which is about 1 year ago already… sigh.

Only this time I was by myself and I was considerably less kancheong (nervous), but just like the old days, I made the same kind of mistakes e.g. not using much engine brake to stop, accidently getting neutral at a traffic light, making a loud ‘rrrrr’ sound trying to move off, then realising my gear is in neutral 😡
And I even beat a red light, okay I didn’t exactly beat it, I sped through it although it was orange, and as I was almost through it turned red, which sounds pretty okay but the reason I did that was cause I couldn’t stop in time ahahahah.

I chose a pretty good time to go out on the road, so the traffic was pretty light and I didn’t have much trouble. But all through the ride, I had this feeling that if anything unexpected were to crop up, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. It was a pretty unsettling feeling.

And some time in the evening, I realised that I had commited a terrible sin: I had been riding with the choke open for the entire ride!
Ack!
Now I’m terrified that the next time I try to start it, it won’t be able to start.
I smsed my friend for help and he consoled me by saying, “Don’t worry, your bike is strong”
Hopefully, my bike will be stronger than the results of my stupidity.

Verdict: FAIL

I’ve been “Intelligent Singaporeaned”!

Erm… My post ‘I’m sorry I’m slow but I’m just a giant reflective orange triangle‘ is on The Intelligent Singaporean (under Singapore Surf).

Hmm…. I thought that place was for all those insightful political posts and ‘cheem’ (intellectual) stuff like that?

Well anyway, congratulations to me!

Musings at 3 a.m.

At 3 a.m., the roads are deliciously empty and I almost can’t resist taking my Z-kia out for a spin. But I have to control myself, unless I want to seriously mess up my work performance tomorrow (but at least they’re not that anal about people taking naps).

I’m not exactly in the best of situations for a new rider, I’m only able to ride once a week due to work commitments I can’t back out of. Although technically I have the whole weekend free, part of it has to go towards fulfilling little chores such as inching a trolley through crowds of people at the free-Sunday-parking (therefore crowded) NTUC Xtra hypermart to buy groceries to feed my hungry family, catching up on sleep, doing my weekend blog posts (it’s not my policy to blog during working hours) though I’m not actually sure who reads them (I know there are readers, just that I don’t know who/how many of them there are). Well, anyway it puts money in the bank.

It’s kind of frustrating, leaving your motorbike for the whole week without touching it at all, and knowing you won’t be able to touch it until the weekend for the next few months. Then when you finally get to touch the damned thing, it’s hell to start it cause you haven’t ridden it for so long, you’re not sure if leaving it for so long will affect the bike’s performance in the long run and anyway it’s driving you nuts cause your progress is slower than a grandmother bouncing uphill on her head.

It’s not an option to ride home from work as after work, I am usually dead tired. Riding when tired is not a good idea. Riding when tired and groggy is a worse idea. Riding when you don’t even trust yourself to go down a flight of stairs safely is an absolutely terrible idea and I don’t want to be next to you when it happens. What’s more, I’ll have to fight the after-work traffic jam all the way home.
If the other drivers are as tired as I am, this giant reflective orange triangle doesn’t want to be anywhere near them.
Biking is something you do when you’re happy, not when you’re grumpy and sleepy.

I guess it’s back to the BMW (bus, motorcycle, walk) for a pretty long time. I don’t really ride the MRT much now cause I don’t really go anywhere far, and anyway you stop riding the MRT when you have bus concession.

Sigh.
On the bright side, a biker (especially a new one) could always do with an extra bit of patience.

I’m sorry I’m slow but I’m just a giant reflective orange triangle.

Today, I test drove my motorbike on the road for the very first time.

Initially I wanted to go down and ride it in the morning, but I had a terrible attack of the nerves. Then, as luck would have it, my bike refused to start. Ok, it started and then died off, and I had to throttle a little so that it wouldn’t die. Then when I brought it to gear 1, *poof* it just died.

I called everyone that I knew had a bike but they were all asleep. In desperation, I approached a fellow biker and told him of my problem. He then proceeded to start the bike with absolutely no problems at all ><. He said maybe it wasn’t warmed up enough.

Well, I didn’t really understand what was going on, but I found a solution to the problem: when kick starting, throttle once you hear the ‘starting’ sound. Then throttle when bringing it to first gear. Then after that, ok. Good for times when you decide not to warm it up properly (3am and you don’t want to wake the whole block, etc, cause my bike is not exactly the quietest bike in the area).

I told him that it was the first time I was bringing my bike out and on his advice, I decided to put it off until night time when there were less cars. So after that, I ended up doing parking lot practice (which was quite useful in making me less nervous later) and then going cycling with my ma.

Every time I do something to the bike (not just ride it, even things like warming it up or covering it), it’s like a big family occasion. My ma will come down along with me cause well, she’s worried. Today was an even bigger occasion so my sis came down as well.

The first time round, I admit I was going a bit slow, cause I was still a bit unsure of both my bike and the road conditions.
The second time round was a lot better.

My bike is kind of light so even when going at normal road speed (50 – 60km/h), the bike already starts shaking a little and the front wheel feels a bit like it’s lifting off the ground 😡 I don’t even dare to think of what it’ll feel like on the expressway.

The feeling of being on a motorbike and feeling it respond to your every movement and instruction is damn shiok (good).
I don’t know how to describe this to non-bikers, but it’s just damn shiok la.
The kind of shiok feeling that you have during your motorbike practical lesson when you do most of the stuff correctly, then after that the instructor will tell you that you passed this time round.

The feeling is even more shiok than riding a bicycle, but it’s not really fair to put them in the same category.
Cycling is more like riding with friends while talking and shouting, racing each other, struggling up hills together, trying to go long distance and having a satisfying meal at the end of it, that kind of thing, very relaxed and social.
Motorcycling is a more intense experience that requires your undivided attention, and it’s also more a solo (with the exception of your pillion) activity, I mean, how well can you talk to another biker through a pair of helmets?

(If there are any non-Singaporeans reading this post, you must be wondering why I gave this post such a weird title. In Singapore, people who have had their 2B licence for less than one year have to display a ‘probation plate’ (an orange triangle on a yellow background) on the front and back of their bike. If you check out this picture of my bike, you’ll see what it looks like)

First warm up

Some time ago, I brought my red bicycle to get the brake cable fixed and paid the guy $1 to fix it for me cause I was lazy. Took it out to ride at night, then realised that the guy didn’t adjust my brakes properly and the brake pads were rubbing against the wheel for the entire ride cause we didn’t bring a spanner.
The moral of the story is: After bringing your bike for servicing, be sure to check it yourself before riding cause the shop person might not have set it up properly.

Today was the first time I warmed up my motorbike.
It was pretty difficult to start cause the engine was cold, so I pulled out the choke to start it. Then I throttled to warm it up and suddenly I had a terrible thought: Didn’t my friend say that I had to close the choke before I throttled?
I had thoughts of me damaging the engine and they weren’t very pleasant.
Anyway, I warmed up the bike, went to work and smsed my friend to ask him if I had damaged my new bike beyond repair.
He replied that what I had done was ok and wouldn’t damage the bike, it’s just that I shouldn’t ride in >= second gear with the choke out.
What a relief.
On my way home, I went over to make sure the choke was closed. While I was away, it had rained all over my bike and the cover was slightly damp.
Yes, I don’t ride to work, and I don’t intend to ride to work while I’m doing my internship, but I’ll have to discuss the reasons in another post cause it’s getting late and I still need to work tomorrow.

I’m just playing with the vibrating thing

Didn’t go for the Runway Cycling cause there were not enough bikes (my sis and ma went though). BAAAAH.

Played with the motorbike this evening. My skills are still too shaky to bring out on the road.

I didn’t hit anything (expensive or cheap), and spent some of the time talking to some random guys washing their car. They waved to me later when they were going for lunch and passed me in their car.

Can kick start the bike now on my second try… and a little less shaky now, compared to yesterday ^^
Soon… soon.